My version of bliss...

Starts with a pillow, and ends with a big ol fluffy comforter pulled over my head with my hunter green blinds drawn shut against the light.

We sleep every night and probably think nothing special of it. That's me, too. But to me, there's something about taking a nice long nap right smack during a time when I "shouldn't" be...there's too much to do, I gotta get this done, when your body or mind is tired, and it really does not care so much - it wants a break. How often did I ever indulge in this though?

I think back to my younger years, when you forcibly have to lay down for an hour like around noon or something. The act of just shutting your eyes and saying okay, I have to take a small break in my day seemed like a hassle. Now flashing back to the present, I look at it like some wonderful prize, not quite attainable when I want it the most. A quiet, peaceful retreat inside my mind where if I can shut up the voices long enough, the nagging reminders to do this or that, as well as the mindless chatter brains like to do at the worst possible time...I truly and wistfully believed if I managed to konk out that I would awake feeling somewhat like Sleeping Beauty or some crap. All refreshed and ready to tackle everything.

Do I actually get to do it that often? NO! bleh. I daydream more about it than I actually DO it. I'm realistic though...like I sometimes in the past woke up feeling a bit worse, super groggy, or even more tired than better, I'd think Nah it's not going to help, and I'd put it off. However, I will say the times that I did wake up feeling good is what I should have considered. I'm a night owl, horribly distracted by either movies, gaming, or browsing my fav sites...Somehow, somewhere along the line...I've gotten used to feeling tired, exhausted, zombified all the time. I even find myself staying up when I'm totally ready to drop into bed...why I wish I knew. Sleep has turned into this precious commodity that I can't even choose to rightfully get, and here I was, for 2 and 1/2 hours (heh okay maybe it was really 3 *winks*) just totally and "blissfully" unawares of all those worries. Worries? Screw em. Homework? It can wait. Someone's calling the cell? GO AWAY! I mean it was awesome!

Doing this, giddy as it sounds, renewed my love of letting go and taking a nap. Also, maybe I can't handle everything the way I dreamt I might pre-napping. The important part to me was the actual act of just plunking down, clothes and all, breaking off anything that needed to be done, to curl up mid day to just let go of all the stress, even if for just for a few hours.

Now admittedly, I've been stuck at home a great deal between all the stuff I've went through. You'd think, gosh, how on earth is taking a nap blissful for someone in her position. Let's just say konking out from pain pills is a totally different experience than just letting your mind shut down. I don't feel restful when I wake up feeling like I had too many drinks or something. This was such a better experience. It's like cheating on a diet with a really good dessert, calling off work to stay in your pajamas, or like watching an old episode of Roseanne that people would laugh at you about were they present. Honestly, it was somehow the thought itself magnified by the act, more blissful the moment I said in my head "I'm doing it! I don't care! Everything can too wait" That's the moment when bad things would happen to anyone that gets in your way should they interfere. I hope I remember naps are not evil groggy things that tempt me, and that they really help me for staying sane and feeling human again!